Applying for the UK Ancestry visa                                            (personal experiences)

Applying for the UK Ancestry visa (personal experiences)

As an Aussie – and member of the Commonwealth – you may be eligible for a UK Ancestry visa. Cooper is, and he’s just received his UK Ancestry visa for a third time. This allows us to move back to the UK to pursue a work opportunity in 2023. As his partner, I can apply to go too.

In this post, we’ll share exactly how we applied and successfully secured working visas to return to the UK. We leave in Feb, and will take our dog with us!

@houseandpetsitting Announcement: we’re moving abroad again + taking our dog! #dogstravel #traveltok #traveldiaries ♬ original sound – Freedom and Four Paws

 

UK Ancestry – what’s it all about?

About ten years ago, Cooper discovered that he was eligible for a UK Ancestry visa. This is because his Grand-ma was Scottish. She travelled to live in Australia during the period that now gives him the “birth right” to live and work in England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland. The visa is flexible, allowing five years at a time with the option to apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain. There’s no age limit for applying, and no limit to how many times you can apply for it.

Unfortunately, the numbers of people in Commonwealth countries that this visa applies to will begin to dwindle now. This is more of a benefit for a generation of people whose grandparents travelled during the earlier part of the 1900s. British great-grandparents or parents do not allow access to this exact visa.

 

Background to our application: why we are applying for visas again

Travel Live Learn was born out of Cooper’s and my experience living and working in the UK.

We have actually lived in London twice before. The first time was between 2010-2012 when Cooper was first living and working there on an Ancestral Visa. I was under 30 then, and allowed to work under the Youth Mobility Visa scheme.

We returned in 2014, this time paying an immigration lawyer to help us secure Cooper’s second UK Ancestry visa and aligning me as his long-term (un-married) partner.

Cooper and I had completely settled in the UK by 2019. We fully intended to apply for Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR) in 2020, having almost completed the five years settled status requirement. We were preparing to study for the Life in the UK test when COVID struck.

With just three months to go before we would be granted the right to come and go more freely, a difficult change was forced upon us. Not only did COVID remove our option to live, work and travel as we had previously done, but at the same time, my Dad came to the end of a battle with Prostate Cancer. It was a dreadful period of my life, where “goodbye” took on many meanings. I’m glad to be moving past it.

 

 

 

Applying for UK work visas post-COVID restrictions

Now that restrictions have eased in most parts of the world, we can move about relatively freely again. An opportunity presented itself that’s meant we have decided to go back to England to live and work for a little while. We’re even taking our COVID puppy, London, with us! (if you’re looking for advice and experience around travelling internationally with a pet, we will share it all on YouTube.com/travellivelearn).

Taking London dog means a serious chunk of our moving budget is gone straight away. So, we decided to take the plunge and apply for the previous visa combination we had (Ancestral + partner visa) ourselves.

“Ourselves” = “me” when it comes to gathering all the admin and paperwork for this fairly stressful task!

Discover our full experience here:

 

Steps you’ll take

  1. Apply for the Ancestry visa by following the links through the application forms on the UK Government website.
  2. You will pay for the application and your NHS surcharge. Download and keep a copy of ALL of your answers, confirmation numbers and payment details.
  3. Apply for the partner or dependent visa following the links on the website. Ensure your answers align with that of your partner’s Ancestry visa application. Pay for your visa and NHS surcharge.
  4. Book in for your biometrics, where you’ll have your fingerprints and photograph recorded, as well as your supporting paperwork and application scanned through to UK Immigration. Your passport(s) will be taken from here and sent off to UK Immigration.
  5. Wait patiently.
  6. You will receive notification that your passports are available. Check inside for your temporary entry clearance (which means your visa was granted – yay!).
  7. Upon entering the UK, you have ten days to collect your official biometric card – like a plastic ID card. You will have nominated a location for collection during your visa application. We chose a spot in London that we knew how to get to. It’s usually a post office.

 

Top tips and advice following our DIY visa application in 2023

  • For the Ancestry visa, you need to enter the UK within three months of being approved for your visa. If you do know when you need to be there, e.g. for work, give yourself plenty of time – apply at the beginning of the three months.
  • I received an email saying I had underpaid the NHS surcharge. This seriously freaked me out, because I had been undercharged during the application process. I will never know if this was my fault or a problem with the user journey on the application pages. There was no need to panic though. I paid and it all went through fine.
  • Stay calm. There’s no real way to track the progress of your visas so you just have to wait and expect the best. If you supply plenty of evidence to show who you are, that you intend to work and that you can support yourself, you will be fine.
  • For peace of mind, if you can get to a visa processing centre that offers an expediated service, we would take that option. In Australia, VFS Global – the company that processes your paperwork and biometrics (fingerprints and photograph) – offers a priority service at their Sydney, Melbourne and Perth centres.

 

 

Applying for UK work visas from Australia: resources and links

Websites you will need or might find helpful are:

  1. UK Ancestry visa – apply from outside the UK – start your visa application here using the ‘apply online’ button.
  2. Partner visa – follow the links to apply. I selected:Join or accompany a family member, who either is already in or will be travelling to the UK, the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man (and you cannot apply on any other form);Followed by: Working in the UK, the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man
  3.  This blog by Kat’s Gone Global is helpful too, talking about what you need to know when applying for a UK Ancestry visa.
  4. This UK Visas and Immigration Facebook Group is a place to ask questions, but be mindful the advice you may get might be skewed depending on where someone is responding from in the world.

 

Any questions, please feel free to reach out in the comments below.

 

World’s safest airlines 2023

World’s safest airlines 2023

Are you keen like us to get flying again? This info about the world’s safest airlines might either please you or frazzle you, depending on which one you’re booked with in 2023!

 

World’s Safest Airlines 2023

AirlineRatings.com, the world’s only safety, product, and COVID-19 rating website have just released its list of safest airlines for 2023, with Aussie airline Qantas taking out the top spot. It’s some good news for the airline that has suffered a number of PR blows in 2022. This was due to some very negative customer service experiences and ridiculous delays which we experienced firsthand a number of times last year.

As far as safety reputation goes though, Qantas just edged out last year’s winner Air New Zealand by the finest of margins.

According to AirlineRatings.com Editor-in-Chief Geoffrey Thomas:

“Our Top Twenty safest airlines are all standouts in the industry and are at the forefront of safety, innovation, and launching of a new aircraft. In fact, the safety margins between these top twenty airlines are very small, they are all outstanding airlines.”

In making its evaluation, AirlineRatings.com takes into account a comprehensive range of factors that include serious incidents, recent fatal accidents, audits from aviation’s governing and industry bodies, profitability, industry-leading safety initiatives, expert pilot training assessment and fleet age.

Top 20 safest airlines 2023

And the top list is:

  1. Qantas
  2. Air New Zealand
  3. Etihad Airways
  4. Qatar Airways
  5. Singapore Airlines
  6. TAP Air Portugal
  7. Emirates
  8. Alaska Airlines
  9. EVA Air
  10. Virgin Australia/Atlantic
  11. Cathay Pacific Airways
  12. Hawaiian Airlines
  13. SAS
  14. United Airlines
  15. Lufthansa/Swiss Group
  16. Finnair
  17. British Airways
  18. KLM
  19. American Airlines
  20. Delta Air Lines

 

Top 20 safest low-cost airlines in 2023

In alphabetical order:

  1. Air Arabia
  2. AirAsia Group
  3. Allegiant
  4. Air Baltic
  5. easyjet
  6. FlyDubai
  7. Frontier
  8. Jetstar Group
  9. Jetblue
  10. Indigo
  11. Ryanair
  12. Scoot
  13. Southwest
  14. Spicejet
  15. Spirit
  16. Vueling
  17. Vietjet
  18. Volaris
  19. Westjet
  20. Wizz

 

Whether you’re heading off on a month-long Euro trip, relocating as an expat, house sitting around the world or a digital nomad adventure, enjoy your 2023 travels!

We’d love for you to come and join us on our travels. Have a listen to the wealth of advice being shared on our new podcast Freedom and Four PawsOr if YouTube is more your thing, subscribe here.

Sign up to our mailing list for great resources too!

And join our Facebook Group of over 12,000 like-minded travellers and creatives here :)

Dog friendly Byron Bay in Australia

Dog friendly Byron Bay in Australia

Unfortunately, Australia still isn’t as pet friendly as it could be when it comes to travel, but we were told how dog-friendly Byron Bay is and decided to investigate :)

In our post-COVID exploration, we had been searching for options in South East Queensland. But, it soon became obvious that dog-friendly travel isn’t that easy to come by within driving distance of Brisbane. And, if it’s there, it can be expensive or quite restrictive.

Northern NSW became an option when I stumbled across the info on Byron Bay Hotel and Apartments. Now, they’re not sponsoring this post, but deserve a shout-out! For a low fuss flat fee of $80, we can take London with us on an adventure. And, this dog-friendly accommodation is located right in the heart of Byron Bay.

Dog friendly Byron Bay sightseeing with your dog in Byron Bay - London loves it!

Dog friendly Byron: best of

You’ll spot that London our Westie is wearing a jumper. That’s because our pet friendly excursion to Byron Bay (the first time!) came about as winter hit in Australia.

But the experience made up for the chilly weather. This was London’s first trip to the beach in his little life of 15 months. Take a look at the video of our dog friendly Byron Bay adventure and you’ll see how much he LOVED IT ❤️ This made us so happy too

 

 

Our top picks for dog friendly Byron Bay are as follows:

Byron Bay dog beaches

Belongil Beach dog friendly beach is literally right there in Byron Bay. As anyone for directions, just keep an eye out for high tide coming in.

Suffolk Park, about ten minutes’ drive from the heart of Byron Bay, boasts a beautiful beach too. This spot is also dog friendly and is brimming with cool locals to chat to (the two and four legged variety).

Beautiful dog beach Belongil Beach at Byron Bay

Pet friendly cafes and restaurants in Byron Bay

Outside of seeing the pure joy in London when he discovered ‘the beach’, we also had real fun at some of Byron’s best pet friendly hangouts.

Notably, Byron Bay does Mexican really well. We LOVE Miss Margarita in Byron – it’s right near the beach and boasts a happy hour between 5-6pm every day. Also, the food is excellent! This place gets busy so you should time your visit, especially if bringing your pooch.

At Miss Margarita they went out of their way to make sure London was happy and cared for with a bowl of water and a spot to sit. But, you need to grab a table out the front, so don’t land right in the middle of happy hour or peak dinner time.

Don Pedros, just a street up from the beach, also served great food and London was welcome in the area out the front.

Both places served up an awesome margarita, by the way

For brekky, we enjoyed Bayleaf. It’s lovely on a lazy sunny weekend morning, but gets very busy! London was more than welcome in the front section, but we were lucky to get a table, so be mindful after 8am.

Also, we liked Byron Fresh, right in the heart of Byron. They let us take London inside on a cold day – you can see him below hanging out on his mat, in his jacket, with a rug. Spoilt, much? :)

Dog friendly cafes and restaurants in Byron Bay

Another lovely spot we discovered that has plenty of dog friendly places to perch in Byron Bay, is Treehouse on Belongil. If you are to enter Belongil dog friendly beach from the centre of Byron Bay side, Treehouse is situated about 10 to 15 minutes walk along the beach. Walk up off the beach and you’ll find it. The lovely venue serves up some nice food and coffees, and it’s a very chilled out vibe. We loved it.

Other dog friendly experiences in Byron Bay

There’s quite a bit of Northern New South Wales (NSW) that is well known for being dog friendly. Love that! You can search for options on Airbnb and Booking.com. Surrounding towns include Ballina and Lennox Head. There’s also the Tweed Coast nearer to the Queensland border.


As you enter Byron Bay, a worthwhile experience is to visit the Stone & Wood Brewery. We do enjoy a pint of this one, especially in summer, so it’s nice to visit its origin. The brewery has a huge outdoor area at its entryway. You can order tasting trays and snacks. And, your pooch is entirely welcome to hang out with you in the sun.

There’s a few places we didn’t make it to, including The Farm which is a popular spot for parents of human and fur babies! Our little mate, Schnitzel (who we met at TBEX Czech Republic, would you believe?!), shares more in this blog.

 

 

Another couple of blogs I found helpful in my own research were: Holidaying with Dogs In Byron Bay, and Byron Bay’s Best Dog Friendly Activities

If you’re travelling with your pet, we do have some additional advice here: 11 Hacks to Travelling With Your Dog.

Pet friendly experiences in Byron Bay

Can’t take your pet?

As proud fur parents, we obviously advocate for taking your pup with you whenever you can. But if you can’t, you might find this advice useful. 

Additionally, we have a host of excellent info on house and pet sitting as an option, here on YouTube. If you’re interested in this, maybe you’d also like to join our Facebook Group that’s all about house and pet sitting + travel as a way of life ❤️

 

Right time right place – the science of perfect timing

Right time right place – the science of perfect timing

I recently picked up a copy of Daniel Pink’s excellent read, When. An excellent book that explores the science of perfect timing. How do we get it perfect? Can we manifest a ‘right time, right place’ scenario?

Among its numerous lessons, the book teaches how to get the most out of your morning coffee and breaks during the workday. Plus, the importance of understanding your own chronotype (that is when you are most energetic and lethargic each day).

Interest piqued?

 

Do we overemphasise endings?

One concept, in particular, made me think: his discussion about how as a society we tend to overemphasise the importance of endings.

Studies show that when we face an ending of some sort (including people falling into an age that has a 9 on the end of it, me when I wrote this). This tendency is to display extreme behaviour like choosing to take unnecessary risks or sabotaging relationships.

The psychology of it indicates we are innately grasping for a happy ending. And not just happy, but purposeful.

When references films like Pixar’s Up that perfectly capture the essence of this human condition. These movies make us cry while feeling sentimental at the same time.

Pink explains that in knowing this about ourselves, we can take steps to make our endings more gratifying.



 

Have a chat with your future self

A beautiful example of how to do this, is sending a message to your future self.

  • This might be a letter, vlog, blog or audio recording. Whatever format, put it away for five years.
  • The proposition made me a little teary.
  • What would I tell my future self?
  • I think I would start by saying I hope she lets loved ones know they are valued – always (and that she’s continued to do better on that front, as I intend to do from now on).
  • I want her to live without regret, anger and bitterness – good lives are wasted on such things.
  • I do hope she drinks less wine (possibly).
  • There should be dogs, everywhere.
  • And music, plus adventure.

I’d say that I hope she’s invested in creativity and travel; to remember that life has taught that things do get better; bring the light, be the light and look for it in others.




That’s all served me well so far. Finally, I would include a quote from tinybuddha.com, because it’s perfect:

‘Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself’.

This is the abridged version, and I’m not sure what I’ll think of it in 2023.

Perhaps I’ll be moved by the experience and progress made. Or sadly by naivety, disappointments not yet known, and challenges overcome.

 

Your time is now

When advocates that action like this serves to bridge the gap between past and present, this is one of the best ways to find substance in our own lives.

‘Living in the moment’ is all the rage (and it’s no secret that I fly the mindfulness flag, it’s important).

However, Pink made me think about the feeling of satisfaction that’s possible when ‘me now’ feels close to ‘me’ past and future.

This exercise removes the detachment we feel from the future self and enables us to make better choices that help her/him when that future arrives.

‘Time’ is complicated in terms of life, love and the dreams we envision, and many of us know a soul or two who have detrimentally gotten lost in it.

I hope I can impart to you some timeless insight which I took from Pink’s work; that is, by taking control of our time, and understanding how our past, present and future relate, we can vastly improve our experiences now.

Think I’ll include that wisdom in my note to future me too. But for now, over to you…

How do you see it? Share in the comments below.




				
					
8 vlogs & blogs about lifestyle that inspire us in 2021

8 vlogs & blogs about lifestyle that inspire us in 2021

We’re asked frequently who we love to watch/read online, so we had a think about our faves in 2021 and have compiled our top 8 vlogs and blogs about lifestyle for you right here!

If you were following us back in 2020, you’ll know we had started to make positive strides on our video work. We documented the ins and outs of house and pet sitting around the world and showcased many beautiful destinations.

It was a pleasure and a privilege.

Sadly, it all came to an end. But we know that many of you reading this have also been impacted by all that the COVID pandemic has shut down. Not a great time to be a content creator in the travel business.

All of the time and learning we put into our content hasn’t gone astray though, and it’s for this reason we love to find vlogs and blogs about lifestyle that keep us coming back for more. There’s been a few standouts for us in 2021.

Here are our favourites in case you’re in need of a little fresh inspiration too.

8 vlogs and blogs about lifestyle that keep us inspired in 2021 :)

 

For travel inspo:

📽 LeAw Leave Everything and Wander: Luca & Sara

We stumbled across this travel blogging couple by accident, but we just love their content. Sara and Luca are Italian, and they are so so cute. Their channel features an enviable line-up of destinations and experiences, and we have been making our way through their travel playlist.

Most recently, the pair were showcasing the delights on offer in their home country, Italy, where they ended up laying low during the worst of COVID.

Sara and Luca are authentic and likeable. Their video production is terrific too, and includes stunning drone shots, great editing, and soundtrack. The pair also publish a beautiful blog and are all over social media.

If you, like us, are wanderlusting like crazy to set foot back into a dazzling Italian landscape, take a ride with these two in their travel van, Luigi, and get inspired about where to go to next.

 

Island life (our fave island)

📽 Dwayne Muffin in Ibiza

We make no secret of the fact we are huge fans of the island of Ibiza in Spain. In fact, it maddens us that people who have never been to Ibiza have a preconception of what the island is.

Sure, there’s partying (hell yeah); but there’s a magical and mysterious side to this place too.

Dwayne is an English lad living the dream and actually residing and working in Ibiza full time. While the pandemic has hit his business hard – along with many in tourist destinations like Ibiza and its neighbouring Balearic Islands – Dwayne has taken the opportunity to give regular vlogging a go. And hey, are we grateful! If we can’t be there, we’ll wander around the bars and the beaches and boats here on YouTube, living vicariously through Dwayne.

Thanks to his time on the island living and working with the locals, he also gets some cool behind the scenes glimpses into venues and events that most of us wouldn’t.

A great channel if you’re a fan of Ibiza (or think you might be one day).

 

Expat entrepreneur life

Mike Thurston

We first stumbled across Mike’s channel when he filmed his 2020 summer in Ibiza. Man, were we jealous. All the pretty shots and the pretty people and pretty places. Jealous.

But we moved past that to see that actually, we wanted in on more of this vicarious adventuring.

Mike has an enviable life brimming with travel, a successful business, a new fitness app, and plenty of time at the gym. To be fair, he does work hard (on his business and abs) but he seems like a nice guy with fun friends… who wouldn’t get motivated through watching?

He’s just spent another highly enviable summer in Ibiza and has returned to his adopted home of Dubai to get to work again. It’s glossy and fun – count us in.

 

Manifesting and LOA

📽 Mary Kate

Want to shift your mindset to improve your circumstances?

Believe you can manifest the best things in life?

Me too!

While there are hundreds of manifesting and Law of Attraction content creators and mentors out there, for some reason this year I’ve really been drawn to Mary Kate’s channel.

She’s passionate and interesting, yet humble and not over the top like some other names in this space are. I just like her vibe and I think she’s doing a great job at influencing in this space.

Her training and meditations are helpful too. I’d say her work would resonate mostly with women under the age of 45, but if you’re into the topics she covers, take a look and see for yourself.

 

Fashion and beauty

📽 Busbee Style

I’ve got to say, I’m super behind the times following YouTubers for fashion and beauty content. I’m a ‘magazines’ girl of old. But, I somehow stumbled across Erin Busbee’s channel and have been hooked ever since.

A former TV news reporter turned stylist and fashion content creator, Erin’s approach is engaging and honest, not to mention really informative. I had to leave my entire wardrobe of clothes, accessories and shoes behind in England, and my enthusiasm to start again in a hot climate that I do not enjoy as much as I do one with four seasons was seriously lacking.

But, Erin’s helped make shopping fun again!

She’s got a great blog and Instagram you can follow too.

Currently she and her family are taking time out from life and work at home in the USA to live in Spain. Another reason why I think Erin is just too cool.

 

Puppy love (and training!)

📽 Zac George

Call it a midlife crisis, or more like a COVID crisis, but we went and got a puppy!

What?

Yep, we decided that after years of being without a dog – stalking dogs in the street and on the Tube in London, saying hello to everyone else’s dog and generally wanting nothing more than a dog – this little man arrived 👇

 

Now, he had a lot to live up to. Our last dog, Harry, a blue cattle dog, was a prince among dogs. He was beloved by all – even non-dog people. The best dog ever.

London – named after our much-loved adopted home in England, is a West Highland Terrier. When he was a puppy, we’d frequently change the ‘terrier’ to terror. Wow. Puppies might be cute but there’s an evil streak in there 😉

Which brings us to Zak’s channel. We got obsessed with this personable dog trainer’s channel before the puppy ‘arrived’ and during his first few months. Everything on routine and crate training and all in between was spot on.

This channel is a great one if you’re looking for actionable advice on all sorts of dog behavioural challenges and training. It’s also great if you’re quite simply, a dog person. We do owe Zak a debt of gratitude for getting this far with the cheeky Westie though. 

 

Travel and content creation

Two of our favourite channels for content creation and travel follow:

📽 Lost LeBlanc

Stunning filming, editing, locations and great advice on content creation: we love this channel.

Christian (Lost LeBlanc) is literally living the dream. His ‘about’ profile says:

“QUIT my job to travel the world. This is my story of unconditionally pursuing my passion for filmmaking and travel.”

You see why we’re in, right?

 

📽 TopJaw

These guys create awesome productions from locations we love in the UK and Europe. More enviably, they focus on food and drink!

Each location is brimming with dozens of great places to eat through all day long. We started keeping a bucket list based on their recommendations but gave up – there’s too many.

We’ll come back to it when we hit the northern hemisphere once again.

A great, lively and channel – easy to binge.

 

Who are your favourite content creators? Let us know in the comments! 

 

Saying goodbye to a loved one

Saying goodbye to a loved one

Saying goodbye to a loved one takes many forms when you’re an expat and traveller. But should we take a chance for ‘goodbye’ lightly? There’s a song I’ve been listening to on repeat recently by a great group out of Glasgow, Chvrches. The track is called Asking For a Friend and is the lead song from their 2021 album release Screen Violence. A lyric near the beginning strikes me every time: “I’m no good at goodbyes”. Those few words resonate strongly and have reminded me lately about the value of “‘goodbye”.

As I write this and reflect, I realise I should add context before continuing with my story. This is the first post on our site in well over a year. While the world stood still this past year thanks to a nasty virus that’s taken over our lives and plans, it seems our website also got the memo to pause on proceedings. We have been plagued by errors and technical issues that rendered much of the back-end useless. But without the motivation to create, it didn’t matter anyway.

Say goodbye, without saying goodbye

This leads me back to my “goodbyes”, or lack thereof. I’ve said a lot of “see you laters” in my life. Perpetually chasing the next travel plan and living as an expat necessitates this strategy. Plus, “goodbye” has always felt so final. I’ve never been one for dramatic departures. I’d rather make it swift, rip it off like a band-aid, so to speak (then have a good cry in the airplane toilets and not to make a scene). I never wanted a fuss made, especially if I was on my way to where I needed to be. It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry, as my Dad would say.

2020 gave me more perspective on all of this though, and has made me wonder, is there more value in a proper “goodbye” than I’d previously given credence to?

Ignoring an opportunity for a heartfelt goodbye is perhaps underplaying how important it might have been for the person on the receiving end of my goodbye. And, perhaps it was sticking my nose up at a privilege that I should have been grateful for. After all, we hear stories each day of heartbreak where we can safely assume that the loved-ones involved had no chance for “goodbyes”. That, my friends, is ever so sad.

No chance to say goodbye to people or place

Last year… oh wait, I lose track of time… Going on nearly two years ago, we sat at an apocalyptically empty Heathrow Airport. We were forced, for a number of reasons, to leave somewhere that was without a shadow of a doubt, home. We had to pick up in Australia and start everything all over again. When we left England, there was no opportunity for goodbye. COVID was in full flight, the entire world was shut down.

We could not say goodbye to our loved ones there, nor our life. As dejected as I was sitting at that deserted airport late in March 2020 (eerie given Heathrow is usually heaving with commuters and people hurriedly shopping up a storm in Harrods or if you’re me, Accessorize), I never imagined in my wildest dreams that we’d still not be allowed to go back even now. I’m in Queensland, Australia, and still now we have no clear roadmap on how to travel freely around Australia, let alone internationally.

It all makes the fact we could not say goodbye even more difficult to take. It does not get easier. People have explained to us that we still mourn our life in London because we did not get to say goodbye. There was never an end. No closure that we can acknowledge.

Power of goodbye

Saying goodbye to a loved one, for good

There was a poignant goodbye in 2020. An actual moment saying goodbye to a loved one, forever. One painful moment, but one that was better to have happened than not.

It was Wednesday 6 May when my Dad said he wanted to tell my brother, Josh, and I, that it was “time for him to say goodbye”. He’d been lying in a bed for weeks. His body slowly, painfully and cruelly deteriorated. A once active and proud father, business owner and globe-trotter himself, now rotting away from cancer – unable to move, eat, drink, live. Stubborn to the end, his body held on – too long.

On that day, Josh and I sat with him on his bed. In a very odd twist, we both smelled death in that room that day. We both described it like that to each other later on. I can’t tell you how we knew, but we did. It was a telling and foreboding sense – very hard to process and accept as ‘true’, but it was clear to us.

By this point, our Dad had real trouble talking. He’d all but lost his voice and had zero energy. But he told us that he now needed to go, and that he wanted to say goodbye that day. In floods of tears filled with love, gratitude, regrets and fear about pretty much everything coming from that point on, we did just that. We said goodbye to our ultimate loved one, and for me, I faced my first permanent, real, and excruciatingly raw goodbye.

It’s October 2021 and I can only just bring myself to think about this moment. It was the last time I saw my Dad in this realm. I know he’s still around, but that’s a story for another time.

Hello, what’s next? :)

I stand by my original sentiment on “goodbyes” – they suck. Especially when they’re directed at people, places or experiences that mean the world to you. There is something to be said about having them though.

Since researching this topic and becoming aware of times when I’ve avoided goodbyes in the past, I have discovered some helpful resources and discussions. One is here, on The Five Reasons to Say Goodbye, and another from The American Psychological Association on why goodbyes are so important, whether it be to a person or a stage in your life. I now know I’m not alone: it’s difficult subject matter to talk about sometimes, and even harder to act on. But the awareness that we should go deeper, is really important.

We’re currently still stuck in an unrealistic and unreasonable travel ban throughout Queensland and Australia. I do hope we’re all rid of it soon (I’ll be very happy to say goodbye to many COVID rules, if I’m honest – get vaccinated, people – seriously). I’m hopeful we’ve got many “hellos” in our near future, and while they may be brimming with tears, they’ll be happy ones, as we are reunited with the people and places we never got to say “goodbye” to all those months (years) ago.

If you come across this post, drop me a line in the comments. How do you see it? I’m, you know, asking for a friend