loader image
Is your life goals list making you miserable?

Is your life goals list making you miserable?

It began with something called a ‘happy planner’ that promised to keep me on track with my life goals list. The year, that is – I started off so well, planning ahead in my bright yellow hard-covered book that’s trimmed with gold and artistically decorated with beautiful landscape photography.

All my goals, neatly listed, poised for New Year’s success. Maybe you relate?

The un-happiness of a life goals list

I spent time working through my planner’s activities which included noting intentions, and rating my happiness in various areas of life with a view to taking action on anything that felt lacking. On a glance back, I see I also filled in the ‘reverse bucketlist’ pages, where instead of writing down all the things I wish to achieve, I listed those things I was already proud of accomplishing (a very nice activity, if you need a boost today).

While I did initially make the most of my ‘happy planner’, it has actually been sitting on top of a pile of half-read books since May!

The bright yellow HAPPY cover serves as a reminder each morning of the possibilities ahead. But in the evenings, it came to prompt panic over all I’d intended to do but not yet acted upon.

According to the internet, this is now a thing – ‘FOMOMG’ (fear of missing out [on] my goals).

What on earth is FOMOMG?

What to do then, if we feel like we’re not where we intended to be now? That is, if we haven’t saved the money we wanted to, got the job, bought the house, discovered the romance, finished (or started) a project we’d hoped to have in hand.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and like we’re missing out, and some might agree it’s especially so at this time of year. Keen to not fall victim to this so-called FOMOMG, I resolved to lessen the pressure I admitted placing on myself.

Types of goal setting, not goal-setting or indeed not giving a f*ck!

I’ve been reading some of Sarah Knight’s work – she’s the author of the No F*cks Given guides and presenter of a TED talk on the ‘magic of not giving a f*ck’ that’s reached over four million people. Clearly, many are curious to know if it’s ok to shed our excess ‘stuff’, and Sarah’s now famous for spreading the word on how to let go of things you really don’t need to care about.

Akin to decluttering your home, we’re encouraged to do the same with our minds. You can start this today by writing down a list of all the things that are taking up space in your head, then carefully considering which items you don’t need to care about. Really. For example, are you worrying that you’re not as caught up in your career as your friends are (well apparently, according to Instagram)? Let it go. It’s likely to work out the moment you begin to clean up your thoughts and focus on the things that truly matter.

Life goals to set for yourself: choose wonder not worry

I’ve also been dipping into Amber Rae’s Choose Wonder over Worry (another one stashed in my bedside pile of books). She helpfully points out that it’s not the things we don’t care about that are hard to let go of, but it’s letting go of all those things we DO want to achieve, plan for or create, that is so hard. To choose ‘wonder over worry’, means doing just that – letting some of the stress and pressure go, and focussing on the thing that is the most important to you.

Looking ahead, it’s time for me – and you, perhaps – to find joy in the moment. Embrace, don’t stress, over your dreams and goals.

Make time for a festive break; consider the good in your world, and your achievements; play with your kids or pets; focus on ONE thing you’re looking forward to pursuing next year. Let go of the clutter and embrace with me the understanding that setting goals is one thing, but realising those goals can change is the real key to happiness.

How do you see it – do you set goals anymore, or focus on intentions? I’d love to know – please drop me a line in the comments. 

 

First published in the December 2018 issue of Get it Magazine, getit-magazine.com.au

 



 

Glamour cue (not saving your best for special occasions)

Glamour cue (not saving your best for special occasions)

A little learning on not saving your best for special occasions – find your glamour cue each and every day 👑

Not saving your best for special occasions: the story

Once upon a time I lived in tiny and expensive flat in a huge city overseas.

Competition for a roof over your head continues to be high in many places, and out of naïve fear I’d accepted the first unaffordable rental a real estate agent sold me on.

This apartment block housed a young, international set, mostly fortunate students who curiously didn’t work but had way more fun-funds than I did.

The experience wasn’t the homeliest I’ve had, and my pay packet stretched only as far as rent and a bit of food.

Trash, treasure and a splash of glamour

That’s why the communal corridor near the ‘bin room’ was such a treat.

You see, every time this transient crowd shifted in and out of the building, they’d leave unwanted goods in that space. Furniture, towels, blankets, cushions, kitchenware, shoes, lamps, kettles, storage boxes, trinkets and clothes would appear every few weeks. All in good condition, nearly-new! The little hallway offered a treasure trove of goodies that saved me loads of money.

One special day I was on my way to work when I spotted a fresh pile of pretty things left for the picking. Sure I needed to catch the train, like, ten minutes prior, however, I was captivated.

Unceremoniously dumped amongst a pile of women’s accessories, was a stylish black leather Kate Spade tote bag!

A Google search later indicated it would retail for more than (AU)$700. My bag’s former owner (someone with more money than sense) had abandoned it still full of her old gum wrappers, crumpled tissues, used cosmetics, and it was stained on the inside with what looked like leaked nail varnish. With a loving clean, it was nearly good as new.

Not saving your best for special occasions: living a glamorous life now

From that moment on, my Kate Spade tote and I were inseparable. I’d never owned an expensive bag before. I’m a fairly low-maintenance kinda girl, however carrying it around made me feel glamorous. It was just a bag that I’d retrieved from the trash, but it did add sparkle to my days.

Indeed, the word ‘glamour’ is derived from Scots (the old English language as spoken in Scotland), when in the early 1700s, the Scottish altered the English word ‘grammar’ to create ‘glamer’ or ‘glamour’, meaning ‘a magic spell’.

What is glamour?

Glamour. A little bit of magic, a feeling that things are in the flow and all eyes are on a sassy version of you. Enchanting, don’t you think?

More reasons to not be saving your best for special occasions, like weddings, formals, awards shows or a jaunt through Vienna.

Glamour can be accessed every day. My Kate Spade handbag made me realise that the spell is in the detail, if that detail is special to me. I still don’t seek designer gear, but I make sure that I implement touches of glamour in my life that serve as a cue to walk tall and approach my to-do list with grace and ease.

Glamour cue: be your happiest today

Your daily dose of glamour might mean ensuring your nails are manicured, wearing a fabulous hair accessory, getting fit and healthy, or brightening up your home with fresh flowers. Maybe the glamorous life to you, means the removal of excess, making space for calm, simplicity and the got-it-together confident you.

When the tragic news of designer Kate Spade’s death popped up as a notification on my phone in June, I recalled how the creation that bore her logo had brought me joy. That bag was my icon of glamour, the reminder to smile warmly, flick my hair a little, and to radiate the bright energy I intend to share with the world. Little had I known, I did not need a big budget or to be in attendance at a fancy event in order to ‘be’ glamorous.

In a reflection on the meaning of glamour, Financial Times journalist Susie Boyt says that, “your best self is not about pampering, but working on that song-in-your-heart mood”. How charming, and true. Find your glamour cues this month, and access daily, because a reality we can all agree on, is that life’s too short to save our best things for ‘special occasions’.

 

Read the latest issue of Get it Magazine, getit-magazine.com.au
Right time right place – the science of perfect timing

Right time right place – the science of perfect timing

Having the last word in Get it Magazine, on right time right place, and facing your future self.

Right time right place

I recently picked up a copy of Daniel Pink’s excellent read, When, which explores the science of perfect timing. How do we get it perfect? Can we manifest a ‘right time right place’ scenario?

Among its numerous lessons, the book teaches how to get the most out of your morning coffee and breaks during the work day, and the importance of understanding your own chronotype (that is, when you are most energetic and lethargic each day).

Interest piqued?

Do we overemphasise endings?

One concept in particular made me think: his discussion about how as a society we tend to overemphasise the importance of endings.

Studies show that when we face an ending of some sort (including people falling into an age that has a 9 on the end of it, me this year, eek!), the tendency is to display extreme behaviour like choosing to take unnecessary risks or sabotaging our best relationships.

The psychology of it indicates we are innately grasping for a happy ending. And not just happy, but purposeful.

When references films like Pixar’s Up that perfectly capture the essence of this human condition, making us cry while feeling sentimental at the same time, because we’ve connected with something special.

Pink explains that in knowing this about ourselves, we can take steps to make our endings more gratifying.

Have a chat with your future self

A beautiful example on how to do this, is sending a message to your future self.

This might be a letter, vlog, blog or audio recording. Whatever format, put it away for five years.

The proposition made me a little teary.

What would I tell my future self?

I think I would start by saying I hope she lets loved ones know they are valued – always (and that she’s continued to do better on that front, as I intend to do from now on).

I want her to live without regret, anger and bitterness – good lives are wasted on such things.

I do hope she drinks less wine (possibly).

There should be dogs, everywhere.

And music, plus adventure.

I’d say that I hope she’s invested in creativity and travel; to remember that life has taught that things do get better; bring the light, be the light and look for it in others.

That’s all served me well so far. Finally, I would include a quote seen online from tinybuddha.com, because it’s perfect:

‘Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself’.

This is the abridged version, and I’m not sure what I’ll think of it in 2023, but hopefully I’ll be proud.

Perhaps I’ll be moved by the experience and progress made; or by naivety, disappointments not yet known, and challenges overcome or being faced.

Your time is now

When advocates that action like this serves to bridge the gap between past and present, and that is one of the best ways to find substance in our own lives.

‘Living in the moment’ is all the rage (and it’s no secret that I fly the mindfulness flag, it’s important).

However, Pink made me think about the feeling of satisfaction that’s possible when ‘me now’ feels close to ‘me’ past and future.

This exercise removes the detachment we feel from the future self (whether we are talking five years down the line, or just a couple of weeks), and enables us to make better choices that help her/him when that future arrives.

‘Time’ is complicated in terms of life, love and the dreams we envision, and many of us know a soul or two who have detrimentally gotten lost in it.

I hope I can impart to you some timeless insight which I took from Pink’s work; that is, by taking control of our time, and understanding how our past, present and future relate, we can vastly improve our experiences now.

Think I’ll include that wisdom in my note to future me too. But for now, over to you…

How do you see it? Share in the comments below.

 

First published in the March 2018 issue of Get it Magazine getit-magazine.com.au
Embrace (don’t stress) over your dreams and goals

Embrace (don’t stress) over your dreams and goals

It was late one afternoon last week when a friend and colleague, Erika, popped over to my desk to have a chat. Bright and bubbly, full of fun dreams and goals, I enjoy her visits, tea in hand and the promise of gossip in her eyes.

I knew she’d had a tough month where some of those aforementioned dreams and goals had been rocked, predominantly because of the insensitive actions of a boy who did not deserve her affection.

Dreams and goals – careful of comparison

In her usual style, she wandered over to me with a warm smile, perched on my desk and commenced with a monologue about how she saw herself, saying she’d been thinking a lot lately about how by now she should be ‘more successful and further ahead in her life and career’.

I objected, not just on the grounds that I’m her friend, but because of my own burning question: ‘What is the definition of being ahead?’

Is your life goals list making you miserable? Find out how to let that go

Predictably the response involved comparisons to what fellow university graduates from the recent class of 201…? are doing, and her reflections on the aforementioned relationship that went cold.

As someone (vaguely) older looking at her situation, I’ve seen Erika secure an excellent job in a respected business where she started working as a temp; she impressed people personally and professionally, put in a lot of hard work and has in a short space of time developed into a PR pro. She learns every day, as we all do, but continues to ride the wave gracefully.

I believe Erika’s story is impressive. For her to tell me she feels disappointed about the success that I can see clearly, well, I had to give her a loving nudge! Aside from the proud job situation, she’d also completed a Master’s degree in the past year, and diligently dealt with personal life challenges.

With age arguably comes wisdom, and I’m going to stick with that logic. I shared with Erika that from my perspective there are two important things you can use to ‘measure your success’: how happy you are, and your ability to cover expenses. Yes, if these elements need to be addressed, then do so! But when all was said and done, Erika admitted she’s happy, and can cover her rent plus purchase wine on the weekend.

‘Success’ at any age is not about comparison to what your friends are doing.

Social media poses a problem for many on this front, and if you relate, switch if off for a while. If we did the same thing at the same time as our contemporaries, would we necessarily love life? No.

In my humble view, success is being happy. It is simple. It is your gratitude for life and acceptance of choices.

It is not ‘how far ahead you are’ – whatever that is supposed to mean.

Someone said to me not so long ago that I should be further ahead in my career. While I respect their opinion, that view is narrow. Granted, it is one that is still understood by a wide range of education, media, and corporate types, but it’s not relevant, especially in 2018.

I’m incredibly proud of everything I’ve done – the cool, the crazy, the difficult, the brave moves that have meant my ‘career’ path has not been linear. Confidently I declare that it’s been liberating and exciting and varied.

I’ve been happy. And I pay my debts, just like a Lannister (apologies, couldn’t resist).

So, I write to “Erika” here, that aspirations are amazing and reveal passion and drive, things I stand for in life.

Go after what lights you up; but turn comparison and an immediate feeling that you want more, into intention. This will bring awesome things to you in good time.

For now live in the moment, embrace it. Think about what life presently holds that you love, nurture that, and you’ll get ahead for sure.

How do you see it? Share in the comments

 

Originally published in the February 2018 issue of Get it Magazine, getit-magazine.com.au
Diary of a spectator at heart (Get it Magazine, September column)

Diary of a spectator at heart (Get it Magazine, September column)

I’m having the Last Word in Get it Magazine – this month I reflect on lessons learnt about the real value of getting fit. –Sarah

~

My man, Cooper, has told me − affectionately of course − that I resemble a dachshund when I run. You know, a ‘sausage dog’; a cute one, I’m assured. He knows me well, which makes this quite funny because it’s probably true.

I’ve never loved the gym, and I am not a runner (I have been known to jog into Uncle Dan’s though). My aversion to running started way back in grade one. Six years old and attending a small school in Cairns, cane fields rustling in the breeze out the back, all of us were marched onto the oval to run. All the way around in the heat. I hated it. Right there the stubborn Taurean was officially born, and unfortunately for all PE teachers to come, I was to be the one they’d never convince.

My wise mum got me involved in something she knew I’d like – ballet. It was my extra curricula thing. Sadly, at 16 it became apparent my ankles didn’t have the strength, so I took up tennis. I enjoyed it, especially when I discovered I could win by perfecting my serve to ace my opponent, eradicating the need to, you guessed it – run! Resourceful, I am.

Let’s be honest, most of us especially when we are young, care not for fitness but about how we look. I thought I was blessed with a fast metabolism and the ability to eat anything (Muffin Break treats daily and Uni dinners of pasta, cheese and tomato sauce – fail, fail). If the skirt didn’t fit right, I’d go on a walk every morning for a couple of weeks and be fine. That didn’t last.

I was lucky to have Cooper to encourage me all these years. He’s an all-round fitness nut (my opposite). I’ve dipped in and out of gym, Body Combat, Yoga, Body Balance, walking, Barre; I’ve tested fitness classes, diets and supplements, achieving varying degrees of satisfaction. Drudgery, all with the aim of gaining some kind of ‘perfection’. Until I realised that it’s not just about what I look like. Slow-learner, I am.

While I’m sharing wisdom, here’s what else I found out along the way: long term weight maintenance happens because we make better choices and exercise more often than not. Also, active life = good mood, feeling motivated and inspired. So simple!

Recently I saw Andrea Corbett share her moving story. She’s ranked in the top five international female body builders in the world. A former school teacher, she told of how she hit a majorly tough spot in her life and was living on anti-depressants. She didn’t want it to be like that, and following a serendipitous turn of events she says, “I found body-building, and it saved my life”. Her mantra hit home: fitness means looking and feeling good.

I gathered a group of girlfriends to grill them on the topic, and we concluded that without a doubt some (not all, obviously) periods of depression in our lives have coincided with a lack of exercise and unhealthy life choices.

I am a spectator at heart. A very good one too. Once, my friend Julie and I turned up to a footy game to cheer Cooper on, feeling proud for being there in the first place, only to realise we were watching the wrong game. #girlfriendfail

I am a better spectator than athlete. But, despite the foot-stomping, procrastinating and initial disinterest in the gym, this ‘spectator’ does finally get the true meaning of living a fit life. Sexy, skinny selfies might be cool, but now and in the long term, the value in getting healthy is really about the happiness payoff. That’s the advice I share with my younger friends, and the experience I discuss with contemporaries. It’s never too late to get active, to find something you enjoy doing and make it a habit. I’ve just spotted an ad for ‘swing fit’ in my neighbourhood (swing dancing, to be clear). Health. Happiness. Fabulous. It seems running may not even be required.

Read the September issue of Get it Magazine