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Two simple steps to change how people treat you

Two simple steps to change how people treat you

IMG_1101Whilst keeping in touch with family and friends via social media on an overseas trip recently, I spotted a reoccurring picture with a quote throughout my Facebook news feed, it reads:

“You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it” 

And while the ‘likes’ were adding up, I thought about how frequently people tolerate being treating poorly by those they care about without speaking up.

Let’s focus on the first line in that statement only. Surely the way somebody treats you is something you can influence or at least have a say in? In fact, I would argue to a point that a person will only treat you in a way that you allow or deem appropriate – and it’s that opinion which I want to emphasise with you.

Has there ever been a time where you have allowed yourself to be:

  • Spoken to in a derogatory way?
  • Embarrassed or humiliated by colleagues/family/friends because you were too scared to speak up?
  • Done something that went against your wishes to keep the peace?
  • Made to feel guilty due to being spoken to in a passive aggressive tone?

Chances are that you replied with yes for one (if not all) of the above scenarios. This might be due to a number of reasons, all of which are completely personal/confidential to you, however it should always be your priority to be treated in a respectful and honest way.

How can you change how people treat you?

Value yourself – This is about making sure people are treating you and speaking to you with a level of respect at all times, address yourself internally on how you want to be spoken to and treated in ALL situations in life and ensure that you stick to your guns. Remember, you deserve respect and to be treated with it.

Speak up – When your boss/friends/family members are not treating you how you wish, let them know. You don’t need to be rude or nasty in how you do this and it may be understandably uncomfortable/confronting for you to do so, however if someone isn’t aware of what they are doing and you’re keeping quiet about it, you may be contributing to the problem. Simply say ‘When you speak to me/treat me like that it makes me upset/annoyed/embarrassed/frustrated/feel belittled/feel inferior/feel bad etc’…. and end the sentence with ‘I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that anymore/stopped doing it”

Don’t allow people to walk all over you but also remember that you don’t get to walk over anyone either. Respect is a two way street and as my sister always said to me during my teenage years:

“Treat people how you want to be treated yourself”

 

About the author
Megan Luscombe is a professional life and wellness coach at Starting Today Coaching. Melbourne based, Megan assists her clients in making positive transformations in their personal life, relationships and careers. Follow her on Facebook.

 

We’d love to hear from you – if you have a question or comment, please drop us a line in the comments box below, or find us on FACEBOOK or TWITTER.

Do you suffer a phone addiction?

Do you suffer a phone addiction?

phone addictionI used to consider myself a very ‘in the moment’ person who was attentive in all of my relationships (be it with my partner, friends or family). I rarely missed a catch up with friends and was the first to offer up my house when hosting a dinner party. I ate with my partner at almost every meal and attended friends gigs, family catch-ups and always made myself available for things. However, I used to do all of that with my phone in hand.

It was only when reading an article about technology addiction that I realised my phone had morphed into a part of me and had become an extension of my arm. I was addicted! My mobile phone had become my security blanket and safety net. How rude and distant must I have appeared to those around me? How could I be invested in their time if all I was doing when out/at dinner/at a party etc was checking my phone? Exactly. I couldn’t, and that’s what made me make the following changes:

I stopped checking my phone first thing when I woke up – this meant when I woke up I had time to think about my dreams whilst sleeping, what I wanted for breakfast/lunch and what I wanted to achieve for the day. It meant my morning was ‘me’ time.

I stopped keeping my phone with/near me during ALL meals – this meant that I didn’t have temptation to check it or take photos of my food or whatever was happening to only then want to upload them to a social media platform. It kept me present and allowed me to have real conversation with my friends and/or partner during catch up’s over great food. It allowed me to build and strengthen my current relationships.

I stopped uploading my photos to social platforms RIGHT after taking them – this meant that I was only taking photos for me, not for the world to see or like/comment on. It meant when I took a photo that my phone went STRAIGHT back in the bag afterwards – if I wanted to upload them, I could do it later on or the next day. This kept me in the moment.

I stopped having conversation with my mobile phone in hand – This meant when those around me were having conversations I was actually LISTENING and RESPONDING. It meant I wasn’t half listening whilst checking something on Facebook or Instagram, something that WASN’T AT ALL relevant to the conversation that was happening. It meant I was no longer being rude and disrespectful to them. By keeping my phone in a bag or in another room it meant I could give my undivided attention and be present in every conversation.

Of course there are necessary times when you do need to check your phone (work emails/keeping in touch with family overseas/directions etc.) however when it’s not I urge you to leave the phone alone and be present in every moment taking place in your life. Those few changes made huge positive impacts for me, and after you read this I challenge you to seeing if you can go without checking your phone for one hour. Think that’s easy? Make it two. It might be hard, but it’s worth it.

 

About the author
Megan Luscombe is a professional life and wellness coach at Starting Today Coaching. Melbourne based, Megan assists her clients in making positive transformations in their personal life, relationships and careers. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

 

We’d love to hear from you – if you have a question or comment, please drop us a line in the comments box below, or find us on FACEBOOK or TWITTER.

Does doubt mean don’t?

Does doubt mean don’t?

I can almost guarantee the majority of you reading this would agree with the question posed. We are repeatedly conditioned to believe that having doubt means ‘don’t’.  Be it from early childhood or adulthood, social media or those around us, we learn that experiencing feelings of doubt means the decision we are about to make must mean something’s wrong.

As a life and wellness coach, I encounter many layers of doubt and the uncertainly that holds us back and have learned that doubt is often mistaken as  ‘gut feelings/intuition’. However, when broken down we can also refer to doubt as fear, fear of making the wrong decision.

I frequently encounter three types of fears that we meet throughout life; they are ‘What If?’, ‘Rock the Boat’ and ‘It’s Time to Go’ fears.

‘What If’ fears typically sound like ‘What if I’m not good enough?’ ‘What if I’m doing something that isn’t worth it in the long run?’ or the reoccurring question ‘What if I’m feeling like this because he/she isn’t the one?’ These fears are future based and generally focus on something that is unknown to the individual and are rather illogical.  Most individuals will come across these fears during their lives, however the more self-examining a person typically is, the more ‘What If’ fears are present.

‘Rock the Boat’ fears exist when we don’t want to do something in trepidation of the consequence. These are things like not telling someone they’ve hurt your feelings or disappointed you when they consistently cancel plans or make a casual comment that you’ve taken personally. You may let it slide because you’re nervous they’ll end the friendship or because it’s easier to keep the peace. Or maybe you’ve not stood up to your boss when they set an unrealistic expectation out of fear you’ll be labeled undedicated or uncooperative.  Maybe you’ve not told your significant other how hurt you felt over an action or remark they made in fear of not wanting to start an argument.

By not wanting to ‘Rock the Boat’ these fears ultimately make an individual say ‘No’ to what they want in favour of pleasing others.

Lastly, ‘It’s Time to Go’ fears are red flags and don’t accompany an internal question as they’re immediate and logical. Red flag fears can be entering into or participating in something that goes against your core values or situations where your personal safety is at risk or in danger. These situations are your body’s ‘fight or flight mode’ and are easily identifiable.

Doubt/fear needn’t be controlling and can serve positive purpose, leading to many significant constructive transformations (personal and professional). Whenever fear based thoughts creep in I urge you to challenge them until you understand them, but also permit yourself to leave ‘Red Flag’ situations.

Remember, every doubt/fear allows you the opportunity to discover more about yourself and what it is you truly want which adds up to living a life of your creation!

About the author
Megan Luscombe is a professional life and wellness coach at Starting Today Coaching.  Melbourne based, Megan assists her clients in making positive transformations in their personal life, relationships and careers. Follow her on Facebook.

 

We’d love to hear from you – if you have a question or comment, please drop us a line in the comments box below, or find us on FACEBOOK or TWITTER.